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Wives of worship leaders, particularly those with young children

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  • Wives of worship leaders, particularly those with young children

    How do you balance everything?

    My husband works a full time job and also has just started leading worship at our church. So far he's just been having practice on friday nights which has been pretty managable but lately he's been thinking about doing it also on sunday mornings before church. I totally understand his reasoning for wanting to do it, however, I'm very stressed with the idea of having to get all 4 kids and myself ready for church by myself. We have 4 kids ranging from 5yrs old to 5 months old.

    I don't want to stand in the way of what God wants for my husband and the worship team, I'm just feeling very overwhelmed with having to do everything myself.

    Any tips or encouragement?

  • #2
    Wish I could get my wife to chime in, but she's not really into "internet". My wife is amazing - and she would totally relate. We have 4 kids, ages 10 and younger. Joy handles the kids for me as I rehearse every Thursday evening and also I'm out the door early Sunday AM. She bears the responsibility of getting everyone ready.

    I wish I could tell you it's easy - and I'm sure it's overlooked, what a sacrifice that is. I would encourage you to support him, and see it as your way of blessing and honoring him (your husband) and God, in giving him the freedom to minister in this way.

    But - I'm speaking from his point of reference, and hope some wives' will chime in soon!
    Fred McKinnon, Pianist/Composer/Worship Leader
    blog: www.fredmckinnon.com

    Please check out my piano/instrumental music at:


    • #3
      Our kids are grown - so that's not an issue. But we had to move my wife's mother to our town a couple of years ago for health reasons. So I go to church early alone, and she follows a while later with her mother. This actually works well at the other end, too, because I often have to stay late for one reason or another and since she has her own car she can take her mother home right away.

      But the one thing that does cause a bit of stress is all the time it takes during the week to prepare for worship. I'm a volunteer, but it often feels like a job. She is a bit jealous of my time. So I try to schedule myself during the same time each time so she can expect it.

      I think that is the best solution - plan ahead and be consistent - then there are no surprises.


      • #4
        Great topic. First of its kind I've seen here...from the wive's point of view. For me, I'm a worship leader, but I am the wife. But I can relate too, since my husband has a full time job and is in school full time; is very involved at church with being on the council, leading an evangelism ministry, and we're the teachers of our Sunday School class.

        We have two (only two, whew! ) girls 6 and 3 1/2. I guess I have to say our situation is different because my husband works from home. But there are times, especially around finals or when XEE starts up again, that I feel left behind or a bit...yes, I'll say it! resentful because I'm home with the girls yet again in the evening. When Tony was on the search committee for a new pastor, that was hard because of traveling for that and for his work!

        I think it's natural to feel the way you're feeling. Especially those Sunday mornings...getting two girls ready is time consuming, much less four! I guess I would say to be as honest as you can with how you feel-talk to your husband, but at the same time keep in prayer...God will give you the peace you need. Also, this might only be for a short time. Everything has a season, and you never know...in a few short months or years the kids will all be in school, and you won't know what to do with yourself! (Well, maybe that's wishful thinking!)

        Anyway, I understand and empathize. Your husb. might be finding it hard to leave you all so much. Get together and talk about it-pray that God shows you some solutions to make things easier all around.

        Praying for you! Blessings.
        All that hath life and breath, praise ye the Lord!
        In His Name,



        • #5
          Love this thread. Here's another thought.

          One thing that we do for our praise team is have dinner on rehearsal night. By Dinner, I mean ... we have a special deal w/ Dominos where we can large 1-toppers for $6, and the church is gracious enough to allow us to budget that each week - I spend around $40/week - either pizzas or a catering platter of subs.

          We do this because most everyone comes straight from work, we meet at 6:30 ...eat, fellowship, then rehearse at 7:00.

          As the Worship Leader, I've invited my wife and kids to be a part of that. The kids love it because they get to come "see Daddy at the church" and run around in the place. What kid doesn't love to run around in the church?

          The wife loves it because:
          1. Dinner is prepared and she doesn't have to worry about it or clean up.
          2. We get to see each other and have some time.

          The kids are typically in bed by the time I get home from rehearsal, so I get to love on them and kiss them goodbye before they leave and we start rehearsal. Sometimes they even hang out in the sanctuary for the first few minutes of rehearsal. I love that because I get to see my kids worshiping. (though more times than not, they are chasing each other around the chairs).

          My point? I recognize that my being gone leaves my wife w/ the kids and all that responsibility. Between her and the 4 kids, they MAYBE consume one pizza ... that's $6. We don't mind investing that into family.
          Fred McKinnon, Pianist/Composer/Worship Leader
          blog: www.fredmckinnon.com

          Please check out my piano/instrumental music at:


          • #6
            Our former WL had 3 kids under 3 (twins +1). She brought them to church in their jammies, and the nursery workers gladly dressed them.(In fact, it was the nursery workers idea.)

            You may want to feel out the nursery people and see if they would be willing to assist you by dressing the kids for you.


            • #7
              Thank you everyone for your idea's and encouragement!

              We'll give this a shot and see how it goes! I'm thinking of setting of the clothes and shoes the night before. Having them bathed the night before. Making sure I have an easy breakfast ready to go that morning.

              If anything, me and the kids being late won't hold up worship b/c my husband will already be there and able to start worship! lol (not that I'm going to try being late)


              • #8
                I don't have any input other than that it's hard and finding people to support you as you support your hubby can only be a good thing. Our family of 6 kids has grown up as we've led worship in varying capacities ranging from every Sunday, to every other Sunday, to additional bands playing worship at other venues. We've teamed up in order to do it and sometimes it's a real sacrifice for one or the other.

                May I suggest a book I've been reading recently called 'One Thousand Gifts' by Ann Voskamp. It's a small book on learning to live with an attitude of thanksgiving. I found I needed it to help me see the many things for which I am thankful and to cultivate that thinking in every single thing I do. It doesn't specifically relate to what you are dealing with but I have a hunch it may be just the thing to help you see your situation differently.

                Hugs, it's hard being a mama.


                • #9

                  I'm pretty much in the same boat, I'm married to the worship leader, we've had practices on Friday night and we need plenty of time for warm up Sunday morning. We have an 8 year old and 2 year old but for a long time we had 2 babies to get ready for church in the morning because he has been leading worship for almost 10 years now and when our 8 year old was 18 months old we had a little girl who was with us for 3 short years but basically it was just me taking care of buisness and then getting our buns to church because i also play keyboard on the team. Long story short, we haven't found a good solution, we're expecting #4 (so we'll have 3 to get to church before worship warm up and sound checks). I don't know what to advice to give because its not easy but we feel strongly that we're doing what God asks.


                  • #10

                    As a worship team contributor who is married with 4 boys aged 13-5, with my oldest dealing with ADHD, my youngest dealing with global developmental delay (meaning he's 5, but functions about like a 2-1/2 to 3 year old) and #3 dealing with hereditary moderate hearing loss, I can relate to the challenges that go along with this for a family. I know where you are coming from.

                    First, if you haven't, discuss it with your husband. I know from experience that I didn't realize how much extra effort my wife had wrapped up in getting everyone around. Even though he is the worship leader, he is also a husband and a father. We as men are not to abandon that responsibility even though we are called into a Ministry.

                    One thing we do is get everyone around and dressed before I had to go to practice- now we just all go together. Then my wife didn't feel all the pressure to start from scratch to not only get herself around but 4 young kids as well.

                    Ministry involves the entire family. The time requirements come from somewhere and the area that gets the short straw is family. I often think of the "Cats in the Cradle" song, even as I make decisions about my time and not taking too much from family.

                    I would try other things before asking the nursery workers to help get your kids around. It's one thing if they volunteer, but I know enough nursery workers to understand they are there to serve a helps ministry, not provide a nanny service. Another thing to consider is if people see one person doing that, now all the team members and volunteers want the nursery workers to watch and dress *their* kids too. I am not saying that it's not an option, just to explore other options first.

                    Hope you can find a solution- it's too important not to.

                    If we want to go places we haven't been, we will have to do things we haven't done.