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I feel undervalued and purposeless

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  • I feel undervalued and purposeless

    Hi guys,

    Something’s been getting me down lately. I am a worship back up singer at my church and I have been part of my current church for the past 8 years. Prior to joining my current church I have always been leading worship. So naturally when I joined this church, I remember I immediately joined the worship team as soon as I became a member because I am extremely passionate about worshipping God. After a year or 2 of being part of the team I expressed to the leader that I felt compelled to lead worship but I just didn’t know why. He then told me to lead worship in house groups first and I did twice. Then I got really busy and I couldn’t attend house group any more. However, I still attended worship meeting faithfully. Actually it was because of me that the changed worship meeting from once a month to twice a month. Still, the leader finds any excuse to cancel those meetings instead of rearranging for us to meet on an alternate day.

    Recently, it’s happened twice now, I’m no longer included in the email for Sunday worship(normally an email is sent out before Sunday for the team to respond to whether or not they are available to participate in worship on Sunday).

    what hurts the most is that, whether or not I might be available to sing on a Sunday it would still be nice to be included in what’s going on. It has happened on 2 Sunday’s so far and honestly it’s left me heartbroken. I don’t know what I might have done wrong or if I somehow offended the worship leaders.

    I’m finally getting to grips with not ever being able to lead worship but now even being a backup worshipper is being taken away from me it seems like. I don’t want to offend any one but I feel as if I’m being inadvertently pushed out of the worship team for reasons unknown to me.

    Baring in mind it’s also been 6 years since I asked the worship leader if I could lead worship and since that day he’s never had any follow up discussions with me. It’s left me second guessing myself, my skills, my passion for worship. I taught myself to play both the guitar and piano and I also write worship songs. I even sent 6 of my iPhone recorded songs to the team and though some mentioned how they were lovely, the worship leader never once acknowledged my efforts. Now I just feel so rejected and deflated. Music is the one thing I feel I can do right but now I’m starting to loose hope.

    I am so bothered by this sometimes I cry before going to bed. I don’t want my family to see just how much I’m hurt by the whole situation.

    I would appreciate any advice.

  • #2
    There are so many possibilities. Here are a few to think about....

    1. When you expressed that you wanted to lead worship, the worship leader felt threatened for his/her position.

    2. The worship leader doesn't assess your talent at the same level that you do, and is either too kind or too afraid to tell you. It really doesn't matter whether he/she is right or wrong in this assessment.

    3. When you were asked to lead in house groups, you did it twice and got busy with something else. The worship leader interpreted the fact that you were busy as a sign that this wasn't a priority to you (and to be honest with you, house group was not a priority at the time or you would have made time for it).

    4. Some communication glitch has occurred.

    Regardless of what has happened, your course of action is still the same. Pray first for your leader, that he/she will be used to fulfill God's will. Then pray the same thing for yourself, and add to your prayer the desire that your will aligns with God's. This will be painful...

    Then it's time to get practical. Since you are still serving as a backup singer, you should first check your spam filter to be sure that the leader's emails haven't suddenly started gong there. It happens. Don't let Satan use a technology glitch against your heart.

    If the spam filter doesn't show anything, you should casually mention that you aren't getting the information any more. Maybe something happened to the leader's list of contacts and you got lost or garbled. It happens. Don't let Satan use a technology glitch against your relationship with the worship leader.

    IF the worship leader gives you feedback that you have been removed from the list, humbly ask to be added back to the group. You don't need to ask "why" you were removed. Humbly do what is asked of you, even if it isn't what you desire. By being willing to serve, you will show commitment in the small things, which leads to opportunities to serve in larger capacities. Don't let Satan use pride, ego, or fear (either yours or the leader's) against the kingdom of God.

    Also look for other places to serve. I went through a dark place several years ago. My desire to serve was rekindled not by music or worship, but by sitting in the floor with pre-schoolers during a vacation Bible school. You may find what you are looking for.

    I pray that you will find the answers to your questions....

    Comment


    • #3
      I agree with kepmek. I have experienced this similar situation as well. In addition to what has been posted, I would like to add, that we are all human beings and all fall short of the glory of God. There is no one good, not one. This is why we all need a savior and God's grace. Including, and not limited to, Pastors and Worship leaders. I agree with the other reply, that sometimes, God is awakening something inside of us, or calling us to dig deeper into His word, or calling us to be patient and let God do miracles.God is definitely called me to be more patient when I haven't been asked to lead for a while. God has also taught me to be humble when I suggest a new song and it doesn't get approved, and etc.

      The one thing I have done lately is since I am not leading much, I have tried to be proactive and arrange Zoom calls for prayer to anyone that would like to pray, since we can't meet together in person. I have played the new songs that I would like to introduce to the congregation between services or at another church function to help others on the team get to know the song. I have also reached out to everyone on the team personally, outside of the 4 walls to get to know them better personally, not just seeing them every Sunday or Wednesday as another member of the church.

      God has given you spiritual gifts and He definitely wants to use you as a vessel of worship and encouragement for other believers. His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts. Definitely seek Him in this time and continue to build real relationships with members of the worship team and see God work in your life, as He has in mine.

      Feel free to reach out anytime on the forum. We are here to encourage one another as Iron Sharpens Iron.

      God bless you!

      - Jason

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Yodell View Post
        Hi guys,

        Something’s been getting me down lately. I am a worship back up singer at my church and I have been part of my current church for the past 8 years. Prior to joining my current church I have always been leading worship. So naturally when I joined this church, I remember I immediately joined the worship team as soon as I became a member because I am extremely passionate about worshipping God. After a year or 2 of being part of the team I expressed to the leader that I felt compelled to lead worship but I just didn’t know why. He then told me to lead worship in house groups first and I did twice. Then I got really busy and I couldn’t attend house group any more. However, I still attended worship meeting faithfully. Actually it was because of me that the changed worship meeting from once a month to twice a month. Still, the leader finds any excuse to cancel those meetings instead of rearranging for us to meet on an alternate day.

        Recently, it’s happened twice now, I’m no longer included in the email for Sunday worship(normally an email is sent out before Sunday for the team to respond to whether or not they are available to participate in worship on Sunday).

        what hurts the most is that, whether or not I might be available to sing on a Sunday it would still be nice to be included in what’s going on. It has happened on 2 Sunday’s so far and honestly it’s left me heartbroken. I don’t know what I might have done wrong or if I somehow offended the worship leaders.

        I’m finally getting to grips with not ever being able to lead worship but now even being a backup worshipper is being taken away from me it seems like. I don’t want to offend any one but I feel as if I’m being inadvertently pushed out of the worship team for reasons unknown to me.

        Baring in mind it’s also been 6 years since I asked the worship leader if I could lead worship and since that day he’s never had any follow up discussions with me. It’s left me second guessing myself, my skills, my passion for worship. I taught myself to play both the guitar and piano and I also write worship songs. I even sent 6 of my iPhone recorded songs to the team and though some mentioned how they were lovely, the worship leader never once acknowledged my efforts. Now I just feel so rejected and deflated. Music is the one thing I feel I can do right but now I’m starting to loose hope.

        I am so bothered by this sometimes I cry before going to bed. I don’t want my family to see just how much I’m hurt by the whole situation.

        I would appreciate any advice.
        Hello, I am new here, but I saw your post and totally relate to all the feelings and experiences you've described. I hate to say this, but if you are a woman, the truth is that you are devalued. Most churches devalue women leading worship and this attitude bleeds into every crack and crevice of the church and the thinking people have towards women doing music. Knowing this is the first step in rising up and realizing the power of Jesus in your situation. Jesus is near to the ones society marginalized and He's waiting to do a miracle in Your situation. Pray. Pray. Pray and ask Him to move. If your not a woman, then the same principle can apply since you are technically being marginalized. They aren't being direct with you. They are doing things to manipulate and control you without directly telling you how they want you to be or what they expect from you. If the extra practice irritates them then they should say so to you. I agree with other posters, you need to confront the worship pastor directly. Tell them how you feel and be clear that you still want to be developed and given opportunities to be a leader. A good leader gets over their issues and helps to develop other leaders. If they do not respond properly, then it may be time to use your skills somewhere else. You don't have to leave the church, but you can seek another church or setting in which to use your gifts. God may be re directing you. One flag that stood out to me from your post, is that you mentioned being too busy to do the home study. This was a bad move. You should have continued to lead in these smaller groups faithfully. Please tell the leader you want another chance. Every worship leader starts at these smaller groups. If you can't do these, you will lose the respect of the main worship leader. These small groups where you are actually in charge of the worship are WAY more vital to you than the main stage with the lights camera action. to be quite honest, these smaller groups contain the type of people you need to champion you and to support you and basically fall in love with you as a person and worship leader. These people are not insignificant. They are the ones that will question "why isn't so and so up there leading the worship" "we love so and so's worship". They will confirm your annointing and speak for you to the leaders and will provide you with the opportunities you desire. This has happened to me time and time again. As a woman, when the other women in the church start to question why I'm not more involved....it gets me more involved. Moving around and plugging into new churches has taught me a lot. I'm so so sorry your having these feelings. Do not let the enemy win. Be direct with the leader. Ask questions. "Do I have a future being developed as a leader here? I'm sorry I didn't follow through on the smaller groups. I'd like another chance. If there's no future to lead and develop, then please be honest with me" Another tip. Google "how to make it in the music industry". The church worship is no different really than the music industry overall. Same principles same issues. You need to discover yourself and your annointing. You don't need men to tell you what God already has. You don't need them to discover you. I also recommend the bethel worship website. They have a lot of good counsel and honor both men and women equally. They encourage you to love and appreciate yourself and realize your specific voice under Christ. Finally, find those couple friends to pray for you and the situation. God bless you.

        Comment

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