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Problem With Band - Need Wisdom

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  • Problem With Band - Need Wisdom

    Hi everyone
    I am the worship leader of a small rural church. We also are currently without a pastor. We have a strong board and good congregation.

    My problem is with two band members, husband and wife
    - four months ago, the husband said he wanted to take a break... he was having some personal issues, had a lot of anger, and needed to deal with that... but he stopped coming to church completely. It was like he didn't want to be hypocritical and rather than go to church and have an anger problem, it was better to just stay home
    - three months ago, the wife not only took a break but stopped coming to church... to be honest, i spoke to her and still don't know why she was leaving

    Bottom line is they have called and are returning in a couple weeks... and they expect to go right back up and start playing.

    This must be wrong.
    But I want scripture to support my decision
    1 Peter 5:2 is good
    1 Timothy 4:12 is good

    Any one else out there have some advice.
    It just doesn't seem like they should be able to come back and be in a position of leadership.
    I know I am the worship leader and can just make that call, but I want to be grounded in scripture.

  • #2
    Hi Jamnrats

    Is your eldership/lead pastor aware of the issue? If not, they should be your first port of call. If they are already aware of the situation, then you should be asking for their advice. They will likely know what is going on regarding the relationship between your fellow Christian musicians. Not that you need to know all of this but they should be able to give you advice with what to do regarding the two musicians coming back.

    It seems that you have taken the step of speaking to the brother one to one about it (if I have understood your post) but if not, that should be your first step. You might not want to do this with the female musician so that you stay accountable. You could ask a trusted female member of your congregation (preferably a member) to do this. If this fails, then the Bible says take 2-3 witnesses(pastoral leadership I think) to discuss the issue. Evidently you're looking to correct and encourage your brother for their benefit and the benefit of the church.

    When and where you approach your brother is key. Probably not during a music rehearsal or just before the start of a service. The best way you can demonstrate your concern for your brother and sister is by making time to talk to them about this through hospitality.

    Hope this helps.


    • #3
      This is a tough situation. On one hand, you can appreciate their willingness to serve, but on the other hand, it's your responsibility to make sure they are somewhat stable and reliable before involving them too much.

      First thing to do, in my opinion, take the lead. Engage the board (at least one board member, more if possible) and let then know what's going on and what your plans are. Keep them in the loop and get them to support what you want to do. To me, this is probably the most important, especially if the husband and wife are well-connected. Boards can have a way of sticking up for their buddies and throwing WLs under the bus. A good way to help prevent that is to get out in front of the situation as best you can with the leadership and get their buy-in.

      Again, from the leader aspect, be up-front and firm (not a jerk but firm) and explain that before they come back up on the platform, they have to meet with you and walk through what's been going on. You need to make sure they are in a good place spiritually and with each other. The two main concerns are that they basically up and left the team and stopped coming to church and kept you at arm's length through this process, and that they are expecting to just show up and pick up where they left off. You can appreciate their desire to work through something privately, but it's your responsibility to maintain the integrity and cohesiveness of the team you lead. You need to make sure they are in a good enough spot spiritually and emotionally to handle the extra responsibility of being on the team.

      Maybe use a 'walk, then run' approach, present it as a plan to get them reengaged with the church first, then the team. It can work as long as you keep it simple with a goal in mind to get them back on the platform. If you try to drag it out for months and weight it down with a bunch of hoops to jump through, it's guaranteed to demotivate them and drive them back to what they came from.

      As far as Scripture, you can use 2 Tim 2:15 (do your best to present yourself as an approved worker), Proverbs 27:23-24 (know the condition of your flocks, give attention to your herds). You can also refer to Mark 10:42-45 (don't lord your leadership over people) as well.

      Hope it works out for you

      If we want to go places we haven't been, we will have to do things we haven't done.


      • #4
        Hi jamnrats,

        I note it has been a few weeks since the original post. Has this situation progressed since then?

        My thought is this is a pastoral issue, not a musical issue. It needs a pastoral touch. Inviting them over for a meal could be a good way to demonstrate your care for them, while broaching a potentially difficult subject in a non-threatening way.

        My old church had a dedicated pastoral care person for the worship team. This pastoral care person was involved in difficult meetings, interpersonal conflicts and mediation sessions. I had some personal involvement with them and they were very good at keeping everybody calm, empathising with everyone’s viewpoint, keeping us on track and prayerfully caring for us. If you have anyone like that in your church, a neutral but trustworthy person, it could be good to have them involved.

        The main thing to convey to this couple is that you love them. Your queries come out of love. Your hesitation comes out of love. You want them in a good place, spiritually, emotionally and mentally, before they take up a serving role again. You want them to return to serving, not just once, but for a long time to come, so you want them well and ready.

        Hope this helps.