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Staying friends in a leadership position

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  • Staying friends in a leadership position

    Has anyone else noticed thatís it really hard to stay or maintain a friendship when thereís a difference in hierarchy?

    Our music team underwent a bit of a shake-up and our pastor elected to appoint a young man in his early 20ís to lead the team for the year. My husband and I are about ten years older than he is, but we share similar interests anyway and we used to have fun altogether.

    I noticed within about 3 months of him landing the role, it was hard to maintain that same level of fun and mutual respect as different personality aspects began to present themselves. It lead to the deterioration of a friendship.

    Has anyone been able to maintain a friendship when one of you were promoted? How did you do it? Have you lost a friend when one of you were promoted? Looking back, how do you think you would have done things differently?

  • #2
    Hi Trueheart,

    I've had friends of mine promoted in worship ministry and have experienced promotion over friends myself, but I've not experienced the devastation you have described because of promotion per se. Friendships seem to last better when everyone involved can prioritise people over projects, but that's hard to do. We never know what pressures a promoted friend may be under, and it may bring out less-than-desirable aspects of their personality. I've certainly experienced the devastation of an over-worked, burned-out friend making bad decisions, or an ignorant friend making unwise or unethical decisions, but that's a different set of circumstances.

    Currently when I worship lead I am technically a leader over my husband on sound desk, which is a weird dynamic. But we keep the lines of communication open, during and after ministry, and we listen to each others' feedback. It seems to help, especially when we disagree on one of my decisions. We also have each others' backs, not blind support as such, but a willingness to challenge one another if we think it is needed. We keep each other honest. And we enjoy serving together. (Also, I don't see myself as "over" anyone but more as taking responsibility for final decisions.)

    I know of some couples who can serve together well, and others for whom this is the worst idea in the world. Serving together can definitely stretch relationships; it's no wonder that friendships often suffer.

    I hope you and your friend are able to find space to speak about these things. Keep hoping; God may yet make a way for reconciliation.