For all of my adult life I’ve been a paid staffer in music ministry in small to medium sized growing churches. I love it.
One thing I continue to learn (you’d think I get it, right?) is that it’s impossible to have deep, meaningful friendships with every single person in the church. It just can’t happen. Whenever I’ve tried to go deep with more than about 8 other people, I’ve failed miserably. That doesn’t mean I don’t speak to anyone else or even hang out with anyone else. But it does mean that I am intentional about where I direct my friendship.
I wish I could be bosom buddies with every person that walks through the door. But I can’t.
Out of all the books, equations, formulas for doing ministry in the church only one hits the mark for me. BE LIKE CHRIST. That’s it. Everything else works (or doesn’t) for a season and then fades into obscurity. Sure, there are principles that are timeless and transferred from ministry book to ministry book, but I want to point out that the church existed for thousands of years before ministry help books hit the best seller list.
BE LIKE CHRIST.
Jesus invested his friendship into a small group of men. There were 12 of them. The Bible also paints a picture of an even smaller number, 3. He had an inner circle. Now, back to my mind-blowing formula (BE LIKE CHRIST). It’s really not rocket science. It makes sense for me to find a handful of people and to really live life with them.
It just makes sense to invest in a small group of friends as opposed to trying to be everyone’s friend in the church. Even if you’re only a church of 50. There’s no way that you can healthily do life with that many people.
Where I’m at now, I’ve seen this organic small band of brothers and sisters happen in two ways. One is our small group Bible study. There are 4 or 5 other couples that we just absolutely LOVE doing life with. That makes sense right?
The other is our worship band. I love these people. And not just for their shredding abilities! We spend more time with each other than anybody else in the church. I intentionally take members out for lunch. We hang out. They come over and watch movies. I go over to their house and eat dinner. We have great conversation, and although a lot of these relationships are still budding, I am at one of the best times in my life as far as friends go.
I feel like we’re living Biblically. I don’t feel like I’m just a nameless number on a church attendance sheet. Or a compensated ministry whore used only for the benefits that the “church” can get out of me.
Don’t look at the members of your band/choir as just people who come once a week to play and sing and even offer worship together. Look at those events as a springboard into a beautiful, meaningful friendship that could potentially last a lifetime. I threw out the word organic earlier in this article, and want to come back to it. Organic happens naturally. You’re naturally with the members of your band more than the other members of your church. You all naturally share something that most church members don’t share: musical skills. You’re ALREADY in a situation that could organically grow into something deep and wide.
Look at your worship band members as potential life journey compadres! You want deep, small group friendships/relationships? Start right where you are.