Really need some advice

[worshiptheKing]

It has been a while since I've posted, but I really need some advice. I have been at a church for the past3-4 years. At onetime I was considered the 'associate minister of music'. I filled in for the music minister when she was away, I helped lead songs, have even written a few songs to which our congregation has responded very well. All at once something changed and there was a disconnect. In the words of my pastor I was no longer 'ready' to lead (or as it seems even help lead). I was relegated to only filling in at one point. During this period I took a break from the team and actually filled in at another church until they found a permanent leader. I came back and now play acoustic guitar. I got to sing for the first time in almost a year a couple of weeks ago. I REALLY want to stay at this church, but I feel that my passion for music and worship ministry is just being squashed. I dont want to be thee worship leader I just want to be a leader of worship. To feel like I am giving my absolute best gift every week. I don't know what to do. The music minister is either unwilling to sit down and talk or just avoids it. I get a bunch of circular answers from the pastor. I don't know that I have done anything wrong? To make things worse, lol, I've been offered a worship pastor role at another church. This pastor actually asked my present pastor for permission to speak to me (wow) and my pastor sang my praises, told him i was ready for a position ike that and that i would be great. But it is a different church, different style different vision. I just don't know what to do. I feel like if I go to the new church we will be taking a step back spiritually, just based on what I know about the pastor and style of church it is.

I'm sure there will be lots of questions, maybe criticism. BRING IT ON! I am praying for and answer, quickly.

[WorshipVanguard]

If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? It's nothing personal. I want to validate if this fits the trend I am seeing among churches. Thanks.

[mikeymo1741]

Hate to say it, but it sounds like it may be time to move on. If your leaders aren't giving you constructive feedback, that's pretty unhealthy and pretty poor leadership. And then for him to try to push you on another pastor...

From what you've said, it seems your gifts have outgrown your current situation. You really need to ask yourself if the reason you want to stay is vision or comfort.

[Mike on Bass]

I don't know what to do. The music minister is either unwilling to sit down and talk or just avoids it. I get a bunch of circular answers from the pastor.

This happens too often in our churches. There is an issue, there is tension, and leadership doesn't have the fortitude to tackle it head-on and clear the air. It's hard to tell why sometimes. It usually winds up being something petty or fleshy, like pride and egos. Maybe you need to pull them together and clear the air on it.

I feel like if I go to the new church we will be taking a step back spiritually, just based on what I know about the pastor and style of church it is.

Ok, this is a legit concern. I would ask, what is "what you know" based on? Have you attended there enough to know the ins and outs of their ministry? This is important, because if it's what you 'heard', I have experienced more than one situation where what I was told about a church wasn't anywhere close to reality. Also, sit down with the pastor and other leadership and find out his head and his heart about where he wants to lead the church. Maybe he recognizes it's time to grow and you can help.

If you really think its a step backwards spiritually (and it's not going ot grow from there), then it would not benefit you or them to go there. Once the "new church" smell wears off, you will be bored and frustrated. Then the church starts grumbling and you are asked to step down.

These situations are always tough because there is no easy answer. At the end of the day, you have to trust your instinct. If you REALLY like the church you are at, that means a lot. So pray about what God wants you to do with your gift. Sometimes God puts us through situations like this so we can see for ourselves where our heart is really at. Maybe God is working a plan for you in another ministry area, or is having you lay low for now. In my own experience, I LOVE doing what I do- but there was a year and a half that God refocused me on finding a spiritual home base in a church, not just focusing on where I could play a lot. It helped me realize that thriving in a church is balanced between the freedom to operate in my calling and growing me as a Christian. This was valuable to me, because there were a couple churches I played at that were really cool teams, but I was spiritually stale. So, as hard as it can be, make sure your decision is based on what is best for you and your family as a whole, not just the music ministry part.

[Uneeknitter]

I have a few questions for you. What if God wants you at this other church? What if this other church needs the type of spiritual leadership you can provide to help them grow? What if this is your opportunity to grow spiritually in a challenging setting, but one that provides you with opportunities to pour out the blessings God gave you on to others?

I assume you still have connections with people at your own church. Perhaps accountability partners, bible studies, etc. Just because you leave a church, doesn't mean you have to leave those connections behind. Even with your pastor. It may create new and stronger bonds because you can't use the "I'll see them on Sunday" as en excuse not to call or check in.

Also, I would sit down with your current pastor and not talk about your wants/needs/talents, but ask for him to pray with you about God's will for you. Talk to the new pastor, ask him to pray with you as well.

It all boils down to one question: What is God telling you to do?

God Bless!

Michelle

[betnich]

Have been in similar situations - know it's hard.

Sounds like you feel overlooked in favor of the main Worship leader. My first instinct is to say: Leave your present church, without burning bridges, and try the second one.

Or God may be leading you to step back from music ministry for a time, to focus on your spiritual growth: are you ready and willing to do that?

[WorshipVanguard]

Since there is always more to the story, my suggestions are:
* Press into God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength. Ask him to show you the truth regarding the situation. Sometimes we find ourselves in the middle of an upside down culture movement, and we need our Father to show us what is false and what is true. Yes, we need this even in the church.
* Fast and pray. Keep fasting until you hear from God.
* Only go where you hear the Lord say go. If you don’t have a peace, don’t do it. Anything outside of faith is sin.
* Whatever offenses have come against you, forgive and release, even if you feel entitled to an apology. Forgive, forgive, forgive, and forgive some more. Your freedom is proportional to how much you’re willing to forgive (cancel the debts).
* Love and pray for your leadership. Everyone sins, even church leaders. If they have been tempted to view the church in a way that is not Christ-like, they need mercy, grace and prayer. Do your best to never speak unkindly about your leadership even if they are way off God’s path. We all know rumors spread fast. In the event their hearts are turned back to God’s ways, they will need your grace (as well as God’s) to be restored.

[worshiptheKing]

Thank you all so much for your replies. It's all good stuff.

Vanguard- I am 39 years old. The present worship leader is similar in age.

Mikeymo- I don't feel like I'm being pushed on anyone, he just gave me a great reference is all. He has encouraged me to seek an answer from God as to what I should do. And quite the contrary, I have learned and could still learn a lot about how to be an effective leader, there's just no effort to mentor me. The worship leder and pastor both admit I have great talent, people person, heart for worship, leadership ability, etc. they just dont use me in any of those capacities.

Mike on bass- my wife and I both feel that the worship leader feels threatened by my, like I want her job. Despite my efforts to show her very clearly that I support her. And th new church is a community style church. Current church is a spirit filled church with deep moments of worship, physical and spiritual healing, etc. and some pretty animated praise times. I will admit I don't want to go back to a church that may be "flat".

Betnich- no, don't feel overlooked, just feel like I'm not being used to the potential God has given me. I don't really want to be the worship leader, just a leader of worship.

There's lots of good advice here. I ask myself a lot of these questions already.
Is this a door God is opening? Is this something I want or is it something God wants for me? Is it a test to see if I put my wants above His wants? Maybe God wants me to take what I know and try to pull this church into a different levels of worship? But that seldom works does it? So many questions and what if's. Thanks for all of the replies, KEEP THEM COMING, I appreciate it.

[Steffie]

Hey worship the King,

I feel for you. I am in the middle of leaving church at the moment, so my view may be a little skewed at present, but here goes. . .

My first thought is to get explicit with the pastor about what's going on, his expectations and yours, etc. But it sounds like you've tried that. I'm really big on communication, so if you find you can't resolve outstanding issues, that's a huge concern for me. It means the risk of something similar happening again down the track is probable. The next time there's an issue, you'll likely get a similar reponse from the pastor. (Of course, I could be wrong. . .)

The implications of this are really what's in question here. Can you continue to minister in a church where you don't feel appreciated/utilised, and where you aren't given satisfactory responses to your concerns? If you can, go for it and pray for them. If unsure, you could experiment and see how you go. You'll find out how much you can tolerate :-)

If you don't feel you can minister, then it's a question of whether you can remain in the church while taking a break from ministry. You might minister in other ways eg. prayer, bible study leading, kids' ministry etc. or you might take your music elsewhere. Conversely, you might feel like you can't tolerate being in a place where you can't minister through music. If that's the case, then the answer should be pretty clear to you.

God knows what we need and is more concerned with our Christian walks that with "ministry". I would recommend prioritising your walk with Him over any ministry opportunities.

Vanguard - ditto on the discerning between what is true and false, even within the church. Holy Spirit really wants to help us.

Steffie