I am struggling.

[skyescraper]

Originally Posted by carguy1

Ok, as I mentioned I gave this over to God. so... the woman who is now leading the second service... starts by saying that she thinks that we need to get together her group and mine and all of our families for some fellowship so that the music ministry at the church could be more united. I was, of course all for this. She then goes on to invite me to join their group whenever I could to sing and play some sax. I never expected her to do that. Once again God proves that if you give it to him he will take care of things.

That's so great, carguy1! Unity is so critical, most especially in ministry. It's easy for there to be hard feelings when there are two distinct types of service in the church. And good for you for not letting the situation with not getting the job make you bitter... I'm really encouraged by reading your posts.

We are dealing with something in our church - not many teens seem to want to come be part of the worship team; part of the problem is lack of commitment (we are firm on the 'no practice, no performing on Sunday' rule) and the other part is that they want to have their own worship band rather than being part of the main worship team. Before my husband and I came on staff as worship leaders in November, this church had no formal worship leader. Various laypeople filled in and once a month the youth led the service. The pastor told us he 'died a thousand deaths each Sunday' because the musical quality varied so much and he never knew what was going to happen from one Sunday to the next. The teens would like to continue to lead the service once in a while on their own, but the pastor wants them to do that 'under our leadership' (his words - I'm not sure what he means, because the teens seem less than thrilled with the idea of working with us - I'm sure they think we're very old, etc.)

However, we continue to invite them to join us and at last night's rehearsal we had two fifteen year olds that came - a singer and a violinist (who was surprisingly good). I thought they did great, and made a point of telling them how much we enjoyed having them. We'll see...!

[carguy1]

Thanks for your comments, it is amazing what happens when you realize that God is in control of this and that, as the Bible says, ALL things work for good to those that love him. Sometimes you just have to get out of the way and let God work.

It is good to hear that you have some teens that are willing to join you. I think the youth band not wanting to be under "your leadership" is probably nothing personal. I mean what teen really wants to be under any adults leadership. So again, thanks for your kind words and I will be praying for your ministry.

[skyescraper]

Originally Posted by carguy1

It is good to hear that you have some teens that are willing to join you. I think the youth band not wanting to be under "your leadership" is probably nothing personal. I mean what teen really wants to be under any adults leadership.

Ha, good point! Thanks for your encouragement. Over the last few days we too have come to realize it's not personal and that we need to just do our thing, love them and wait to see what happens.

Wow... it is so cool when something like this happens. It like I can hear your heart on this matter. Its almost like that cliche about not being able to see the forest through the trees. I sort of felt that God was trying to teach you something and that you knew you had to honor your leadership but thoughts and emotions were making your process somewhat difficult. I know that God honors that respect you give. Please keep me informed via these postings or drop me a line from time to time . My email is rongmorey@yahoo.com

[carguy1]

Well, since Toby asked for an update. This is where I am now. I am still leading that classic service and I lead a service on Saturday night. The service I lead on Saturday is contemporar, and lead it using tracks (check out www.spin360.com if you ever need some tracks for leading worship). Anyways, this week my church is hosting a youth camp that we host every year. I took the week off from my regular job to work the camp and I am having a blast. As for my struggles, well as these things tend to do, there are ups and downs. I feel pretty good about it most of the time. However, I want so badly to be a part of the band that is playing for this camp. It is mostly the members of our contemporary worship band, the one I thought I should be leading, with an additional person or two. They have some really good male singers so they don't really need me for that, but I think that I could add some nice texture with the sax. However, the one time I played with that group for a special service a couple months back, all the leader kept telling me was that I was too loud. In my mind there are times when I (the sax) should blend and times when I should come out above the band a little. When playing melody or counter melody with the vocals, then I should blend. However, I think that when I am doing fills the sax should be able to be heard a little more, without overpowering the band. So, I struggled with that on that day, and have not played with them since. It is not that I am unwilling, or don't want to play with then, I have ot been invited back. I personally think thtat the youth at this camp would really enjoy a little sax action with the band, I think it would add something that they really aren't going to get at many other churches, but the leader of that group doesn't seem to be able to see where/how the sax can fit in .with what they are doing. Nor does she, in my mind, understand what the role of the sax is. Just like every other instrument in the band, including vocals, there are times when it should blend and times when it should stand out. All she ever wanted was for it to blend.

Anyways, other then that little struggle I am doing well, from a worship leader perspective. However, I now struggle with a new struggle. I know that God has called me into full time ministry. I am ready to throw down my nets and follow, but he has not really told me where to go. The more I serve at my current church, the more I come to doubt that this is where God wants me to serve as a fulltime staff member. Since feeling the certainty of God's call on my life, I struggle with a constant internal dialog; some telling me how I need to progress on, some encouraging me to pursue the ministry that God has planned for me, some telling my a thousand reasons why I shouldn't, or can't do what God has called me to do, and this is jus the beginning. I could go on and on about the kinds of things that go on in my head in regards to my ministry. I struggle with discerning what messages are from God, what messages are from the enemy, and what messages are truly my own. I struggle to discern if the messages are God giving me direction, telling me to go in a different direction or to slow down, which messages are the enemy trying to distract and discourage, and which messages area result of my own insecurities or which ones are sound reasoning from my own experience and study. How do I differentiate what I want to do from what God is calling me to do? How do I discern what, exactly, God is calling me to do? How do I recognize the path God has for me. For all of my life up to this point, when I felt that God was sending me in a certain direction he opened the door and I was able to walk through with little trouble. I may have had to work hard once I was in, but getting in was easy once God opened the door. I could tell many instance when that happened. However, now I find myself often feeling as if I am fighting to be allowed to get involved in the ministry at my current church. I am not saying that I am afraid of hard work. However, I have never had to work so hard just to get through the door. So, I how do I know if this is where God want’s me to serve. How do I know if I should go back to school or not. My pastor is telling me no, but I can’t help but wonder if he would hire me with my current experience and a BA in business. Ican’t help bu think that he wouldn’t. So, should I go back to school or not? I prayed extinsevely about this and asked God that if he wanted me to go back to school, to make it clear what school I was to go to. No school leaped to the front of my awareness. So is that a no, or just a not yet? I am 33 years old and sometimes feel that I have wasted 10-15 years of my life by not pursuing ministry as a vocation earlier.
I could continue to go on about some of my currently struggles, but I have to go and I think this post is already too long so I wil end it here. Sorry for the really long post, bit toby asked for it.

[skyescraper]

Carguy, my heart goes out to you. Thank you for being so transparent and honest. Your struggle is not uncommon. I also struggle with what voice is God's, and how do I know what I'm supposed to do, etc. I will be praying for you, because this is hard.

At 33, you're not too old yet! God has plans for you and we'll pray He'll make them clear.

About the sax: In my experience, when people like the leader you mentioned complain a certain instrument is too loud, for whatever reason it has to do with their feeling threatened or uncomfortable. In our church we have a small group of people constantly targeting our drummer, who is the world's most humble, lovable, faithful guy - any worship leader's dream team member. But certain people keep complaining he plays too loud or shows off, when he is doing anything but that. I am convinced they have it in for him - because the drums are NOT too loud.

I'm really sorry these guys haven't included you in the band, and I'm certain your sax playing WOULD add a great deal to what they're doing. I suspect her main reason - and she would never admit this - is that she doesn't want to share the limelight or hear everyone say how great the sax sounds...

[carguy1]

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and most importantly for your prayers. As for not playing with their band, I guess it is ok. What I plan to do include the sax when I put the band together for our Saturday night service. Perhaps if I can pull it off in that service, then she could see the value of it and maybe included me next year.

[russhutto]

Honestly, it could be as simple as her truly believing that the sax won't fit into what she's leading.

I have to admit that the majority of the time I wouldn't include wind instruments in what we do on Sunday mornings because of the style that we play. That doesn't mean it couldn't work, but that my first inclination is to do without.

I'm a trumpet player. I love horn section stuff. I've played trumpet longer than any instrument (since 4th grade - I'm 31). But it just doesn't fit into what we do each Sunday.

I'm just saying all this to encourage you. Huh? Yeah, I know it sounds more like I'm saying your instrument isn't vital, but what I'm really trying to do is just present another perspective. Keep at it. Do what you do.

If you can (and haven't already) begin to learn guitar or keys. My dad (one of the best worship leaders I've ever known) started playing keys and leading worship in his late 30s. He is also a trumpet player and had a good musical foundation to build on.

He went out bought some keys and then in months he was leading from keys. It can be done. Keep at it!