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  • Leading a different churches and married...

    Question, does anyone here lead worship for one church and their spouse at another?

    If so, how is that going for you? Does it cause any ripples in your marriage?
    If not, what do you think about that concept? Do you think it's healthy or hindering?

  • #2
    Most of the replies that I have posted previously emphasize that the role of a worship leader is not a musical function; rather it is a leadership function. In that context, would it make sense for any leader, deacon, elder, pastor, etc. to serve at one church while their spouse serves at another?

    Holding secular jobs with different employers may not cause ripples in your personal lives. The example of a husband & wife serving two different bodies, as leaders, could set an unusual precedent for your respective churches. If Timothy separated husbands and wives in Ephesus, Paul might not have had as much to write about.
    "Rock On" (Matt 7:24-25)

    Dave Brown
    facebook.com/7.Funk.7.Master.7
    twitter.com/funkmaster777

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    • #3
      I'd have to agree with Dave. The idea of a "hired gun" worship leader is, I think, inherently unhealthy for both the minister and the ministry for anything other than a limited time to fill an immediate need.

      And I think absolutely that a husband and wife should serve as part of the same faith community.

      Comment


      • #4
        I have not experienced that, but it's an intriguing question...

        As far as healthy or hindering, to me, that would depend on a few things- is it the same church but 2 locations, like parent and satellite? That might be ok.

        If it was a church plant or something like that (kind of the same as a satellite but on an interim basis until a permanent leader is appointed)

        Most other situations probably wouldn't be healthy. Part of leading worship is to be plugged in to the church as a family. Two different churches are going to have two different visions, etc. and it would seem like a husband and wife leading worship at two different churches is more of a career than a calling.

        What about kids? Would they go to his one week and hers the next? How about tithe? Another his & hers?

        I don't see it being viable in most cases.
        If we want to go places we haven't been, we will have to do things we haven't done.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by kristamiller86 View Post
          Question, does anyone here lead worship for one church and their spouse at another?

          If so, how is that going for you? Does it cause any ripples in your marriage?
          If not, what do you think about that concept? Do you think it's healthy or hindering?
          I know a worship leader in this situation. He is at one church, his wife is participating in the worship team at another church. It is a cause of consternation and some embarassment for him. I don't know how she feels about it.

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          • #6
            I have been in this position. I was asked to lead in the interim and consider accepting the position at a completely diferent church. My wife was involved with the worship team at our church. It went okay but i could not see doing it on an extended basis.At times there was conflict. I helped the church find a worship leader and went back to our church.
            Love the Lord your God with all your heart with your soul with all your mind and with all your strength!!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by mikeymo1741 View Post
              I'd have to agree with Dave. The idea of a "hired gun" worship leader is, I think, inherently unhealthy for both the minister and the ministry for anything other than a limited time to fill an immediate need.

              And I think absolutely that a husband and wife should serve as part of the same faith community.
              Exactly. If we are called to be deeply involved in our communities (and I believe we are), then what are the odds that God woukd lead a married couple to ministry & community at two different churches? Seems unlikely to me.
              Eric Frisch
              www.ericfrisch.com

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              • #8
                I left the church my wife and I were married in to take a position as WL in a neighboring church. (Here in Greenville, SC, there is a Baptist church on nearly every corner.) She stayed there, because she knew they were going to ask her to become the WL there. So We served at different churches. She left where she had been and went to a different church, and I changed churches awhile later. In the end, she resigned from her church, which she loved, and came to where I was serving, so we could worship together.

                In retrospect, this was not a good situation. It isn't that we weren't called by God to do what we were doing; it just served to put distance between us that we didn't notice at first. The biggest obstacles were around scheduling-- neither of us could attend the special programs the other church put on, because we were each tied up at our own church.

                In the end, we both came to the realization that we really needed to worship together, so she resigned, and came to my church, and it truly has been a positive thing for our marriage.

                So the bottom line, from one who has been there and done that-- I would not advise a husband and wife to serve in different churches. "What God has joined together, let no man separate."
                Tom

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Mike on Bass View Post
                  I have not experienced that, but it's an intriguing question...

                  As far as healthy or hindering, to me, that would depend on a few things- is it the same church but 2 locations, like parent and satellite? That might be ok.

                  If it was a church plant or something like that (kind of the same as a satellite but on an interim basis until a permanent leader is appointed)

                  Most other situations probably wouldn't be healthy. Part of leading worship is to be plugged in to the church as a family. Two different churches are going to have two different visions, etc. and it would seem like a husband and wife leading worship at two different churches is more of a career than a calling.

                  What about kids? Would they go to his one week and hers the next? How about tithe? Another his & hers?

                  I don't see it being viable in most cases.
                  The church my husband is leading at had no connection with were I am. The only common ground is that they are both contemporary United Methodist churches. And they are right down the street from each other.

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                  • #10
                    This is all great feedback guys. Thank you so much. I've really been thinking alot about this...

                    The short version is... my husband and I have been leading together for last 6 years. Last July he took a position at a very large and well known UMC church. When he was brought on he told the staff that he comes as a set (with me). So they put me on as contract. We led together up until January of this year when the worship director (who is also the worship leader for the satellite campus) pulled me. She told my husband that I could only lead once a month with him. (She's an interesting person and thatís another story)
                    This was very upsetting and very hard for my hubbs and I. Being told that we were not capable of leading worship together and that the congregation was not ready for "my kind of worship" was very discouraging.
                    SO I was "benched" for lack of better words. Once some friends got wind of my free Sundays I started getting asked to lead at other churches. One of them being this UMC church down the street. They started pursuing me about leading on a regular basis there. My hubbs didn't want me to pass up the opportunity and he felt that I could serve well there and be accepted. (We do not come from a Methodist background. We come from a non-denom/ AG background and the UMC church that was pursuing me was more like a non-denom then Methodist.) Also the worship pastor there right now will be leaving in August and they want me to potentially fill the role.
                    Again that is the short version.

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                    • #11
                      If your priority as a husband is to lead your family well, I don't see how a man and wife could consistently worship apart on Sundays and still honor God in their relationship. I know I would absolutely not allow that to take place in my marriage.

                      Nate
                      Practical Worship

                      Please Pray For My Wife

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by milepost13 View Post
                        If your priority as a husband is to lead your family well, I don't see how a man and wife could consistently worship apart on Sundays and still honor God in their relationship. I know I would absolutely not allow that to take place in my marriage.

                        Nate
                        My husband leads me very, very well. His ears are always open to the Lord and His will for our lives. We picked up our whole lives to lead worship for this church because without a doubt God called him there. This job however has turned out to be the most rewarding along with the most difficult.
                        The reason I'm not leading there is because I've had a very, very hard time connecting with the community. It's hard going from a church that values worship, relationship, and serving the body of Christ to a church that only goes to church because it's their duty. This community of people doesn't understand why we have music or worship in service. The majority of the people there go to give their money and check church off their list. Not to serve or give their time.
                        My husband wants me to use my gifts and serve in health environment. Right now were he is is not that place. Now he was brought in to change that culture, however that is going to be a long road.
                        Outside of church my husband and I lead for various ministries and those are times that feel that much sweeter now.

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                        • #13
                          One angle I'll throw out there (which I don't think has been discussed in depth) is the idea that the Body of Christ is indeed the Body of Christ.

                          I would never disagree that it's a good thing to be invested in the community that you call "home" along with your husband, but at the same time I think it's ok to realize that the Church doesn't have borders. Even though there are literal walls in church buildings there are no territories.

                          I actually lead worship at several different church/ministries. ALL of them are my Church. I do recognize one of them as my HOME church though. It's basically where I'm the most invested. In the interest of full disclosure, I do feel like at times it causes a little bit of awkwardness, but since I'm not on staff as the full-time WL at my home church I have always felt the freedom to worship with other congregations as well.

                          I think my situation is fairly unique though. That being said, all the places I go I consider to be MY Church. They are all family and I honestly hope and pray that I'm never in a situation where leadership in one of any of those churches makes some sort of demand that I only "plug in" to one place.

                          I understand that those of you who are on staff and do what you do as the point leader of your respective ministries have different tensions to manage than I do, so I'm not suggesting that you run out and book dates at other churches!! haha.

                          I guess I'm just putting out there this idea that it's actually ok to view the Church as contiguous Body that has different expressions, and so for me, personally I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing. I think I would view it as more of a unique situation than a "bad" situation.
                          Associate Director of Worship & Media at St. Simons Community Church .He is also the content curator and editor here at The Worship Community.

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                          • #14
                            P.S. Honestly in regards to Nate's comments I'd throw our a slightly different angle as well.

                            Hopefully you guys would be worshiping together more than just on Sundays.

                            I wouldn't want my Sunday experiences where I'm leading a ministry team and focusing on creating environments for other people to worship (worshipfully serving others) to be the measure of my wife's and my worship experience for the week.
                            Associate Director of Worship & Media at St. Simons Community Church .He is also the content curator and editor here at The Worship Community.

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                            • #15
                              This could be the potential to develop into 'doing the wrong thing for the right reasons'.

                              Tom mentioned his situation, where it seemed like a good idea at the time, but it turned out that it wasn't.

                              Going down this path will induce priority conflicts, strain your marriage, and may very well lead to both of you losing your positions.
                              If we want to go places we haven't been, we will have to do things we haven't done.

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