I Blew It

[linda marie]

Met with a subcommittee regarding a new contemporary service at our church... there was some friction and I ended up in tears.

So much for looking like I work well with people... :eek:

I really do work well with people. I guess I just wanted to be a part of things so badly & did not deal well with what I perceived to be criticism...

In or out -- I need peace.

linda marie

[eyema_believer]

Met with a subcommittee regarding a new contemporary service at our church... there was some friction and I ended up in tears.

So much for looking like I work well with people... :eek:

I really do work well with people. I guess I just wanted to be a part of things so badly & did not deal well with what I perceived to be criticism...

In or out -- I need peace.

linda marie

Hello Linda Marie.

I would argue that you did not blow it. Instead, that you had an emotional response to a very explosive conversation. If your church family doesn't see it that way and give you some grace, then I might say that they are having a hard time working with people. Give yourself a break.

~Shahan

[WorshipVanguard]

I agree with Shahan. Another thing to consider is to seek an abundance of godly counsel; people that you have allowed access into your spiritual walk and understand the way you think, behave, pray, etc. They will help you process matter a bit better than just sitting in a meeting taking hits from every turn.

As long as you keep pursuing God's heart, He will reveal to you those matters that are temporal and which are eternal.

Hope that encourages you. Blessings to you, and prayers are lifted for you.

[linda marie]

Shahan, Melanie,

Thank you so much for replying. I am feeling better and am relying on the Lord to work this out.

The guy that unnerved me hit a hot-button that he wasn't even aware of -- although he was still wrong in what he said... ;)

Sometimes it's just hard for women to be taken seriously... It shouldn't be that way, but it happens...

Linda

[Trent]

...I think a laugh might do you some good...

A female staff person shared this with me after she got a little beat up in a meeting...

YouTube - Women: Know Your Limits! Harry Enfield - BBC comedy (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS37SNYjg8w)

enjoy, :rolleyes:

Trent

[carolb123]

that was a good one Trent :)

Don't let them deter you, Linda Marie :)

keep on it and keep praying too! :)
We are seeing change in our church...it's taken awhile but its finally starting to happen! :)

blessings....c

[linda marie]

Thanks, Trent! I posted that on my FB wall... I had almost forgotten how I was supposed to behave! :D

And thanks, Carol, for the encouragement. There have been a couple of veiled attempts to make me feel better (you, know... don't want the female to get hysterical again!) but I'm doing OK. If God wants me to do this, I will. If not, I was ready to "retire" anyway...

There may or may not be another committee meeting tonight. If there is, I haven't been invited...

[carolb123]

Hi Linda Marie
Bringing the contemporary into your church is worth your efforts! You probably have more support for this music than you are aware of. :)

Our church is very small and only hold short services... very short.. so after 2 years of waiting I finally felt the Lord tell me to bring my guitar in and play with the piano player every Sunday. She'd been asking me and we'd tried before but it never seemed to work out right. This time it was different. We started out by introducing one contemporary song one Sunday morning... and then the pastor came up and asked us to do it every Sunday. Just give them one contempoary song per service. The people are already responding. They like my guitar playing with the piano too for the older hymns... brings more life and rhythm.. people are actually moving their heads to the beat... ha...ha...

maybe there is another road into where you are headed besides a full blown out contemporary service?

don't worry about the "hysterical lady" thing either. Chances are the other people in the room know he was wrong and said something to set you off. It is possible to decide to walk in the joy and love of the Lord and laugh this stuff off... i do it all the time... :) i don't take myself so seriously any more..
rejections come and go... let yourself know its okay and don't think on it any more....pray...forgive and refocus...and walk in the joy of the Lord :)

Hang in there - God uses this music...He will help you. :)
blessings....carolyn

[linda marie]

Carolyn,

Thanks for the support. I haven't answered or posted anything because I'm still waiting to find out what's going on. (It takes our church forever to get anything done because it has to go through soooo many channels.) Most of the time I'm not even thinking about this anymore.... but then something happens and I'm reminded of the whole situation...

Next week "the sub-committee" will report back to "committee" (of which I'm a part.) I need prayers to handle myself with wisdom in this meeting. I really don't know whether I should come right out and say I'd love to head up this effort... the pastor has said he thinks I should be "one of the leaders". But to be perfectly honest, it will be a disappointment to end up having to follow the lead of the guy who thinks "the leaders" should "own" this service. (I know he meant take responsibility for -- but the phrase bothers me to no end...)

I know it's about God. And I know my part is about the music. (I will most likely participate whether or not I become the leader.) But it seems unfair to be "overlooked" time and again (at different churches) because "it looks better" if a man is doing the job....

Linda

[carolb123]

Hi Linda,

I understand your frustration. Just 2 Sunday's ago I was told by the piano player, who was told by a few people in the congregation, and who was also told by our pastor, that people complained that we were teaching them new songs. Now, mind you... the service is only one hour total... for music we have a short prelude, a short introit, the choir sings one special song during offertory, the congregation picks out 2 songs to sing, then there is a song at the end of the service picked by the pastor to go with the message, and we end the service with a single chorus of "Take the Name of Jesus With You." That's really a lot of singing for just a 1 hour service, and for all of those songs, we were giving them 1 contemporary song... and just a few started to complain. Most people were giivng compliments. But the few complainers get their way. Hmmmm...why do we give in to complainers so much? I don't know... but we all do.

So, the piano player and i have decided that we will not "make" the congregation learn a new song. Instead we will now bring in a contemporary song 2 times a month and have the choir sing it. They will sing it on several occasions over the next few months, then the congregation will learn it by hearing us sing it. And...we will start to chip away at the complaints.

Someone once told me that they tried several times to melt an iceburg by spreading themselves out on it like a blanket. But instead of the iceberg melting, they got cold. Then they discovered if they used a little ice pick they could chip away at it a little at a time. That seems to be the route we have to take in our little congregation...and it is just a few who complain. Someday God will explain to us the mystery of the power of the complainers...I think...even against a majority...hmmm...

Okay...I am praying for you right now that God will make a way for you. That He will give you wisdom and guide your words and your body language. That you will be and show them what a strong leader you are now, by taking the role now. That they will see you are the right person to be the leader and will officially appoint you as such. I am not a "women's lib" person as far as many things go. I do believe in the rightful place of a woman in regards to her husband. But I also know that God uses many women in leadership...and I know that there are many men, and women too, who will oppose a woman in leadership. God is the one who has the kings heart in His hand and he turns it which ever way He wants. He is the one who appoints people into leadership roles. If He wants you in this role then no human will stop that from happening. So, in a way, the prayer is, "God's will be done," but the prayer is also, "Lord, please stop all opposition and open up the way for Linda. Renew her vision and her strength to move forward, and do not let any human or other force deter her from the path that you have set her on and put in her heart." In Jesus Name, Amen.

Let us know how it goes!
Blessings....carolyn

[linda marie]

Thank you for praying, Carol. I went to the committee meeting last night and did OK. I hope the anger I felt didn't show. I didn't want it to, but it was hard to control.

I think I know what you're saying about "women's lib" -- which is a phrase I really don't like. It's usually used to denigrate those who are "feminists" -- and not all feminism is wrong, IMNSHO. (I truly believe Jesus was a feminist -- because He stood up for the rights of women. I also believe "feminism" is a positive word, denoting equal rights for all. "Chauvinism", on the other hand, tells us men are "superior" to women.)

Anyway. It looks like the committee is going to try to hire a licensed preacher, who is not currently part of our church, to be the "worship leader" for us. I believe I will be allowed (along with a young man who also attends our church) to be a "co-leader". And that's OK with me. I just wasn't sure how I was going to "go along" with the fellow who talked so brazenly about the worship leaders "owning" the service...

I only know I have been called to serve God with the talents He has given me -- and many times in my long years of service, my gifts have been pushed aside in favor of letting a man do the very thing God has called me to do (whether he was "called" or not)... Mostly I just do whatever I'm "allowed" to do quietly, without making waves. In fact, I'd put the whole idea of being a music/worship leader to rest -- which I think is why I overreacted when I "let down my guard" and allowed myself to hope.

The worship committee leader and the ad-hoc committee leader are going to talk to the finance committee next Tuesday...

Stay tuned...

Again, thank you so much. You may be one of the few people I know who might be able to relate to what I'm saying...

Blessings back at ya... linda

[WorshipVanguard]

Linda,
Sadly, this problem is all to common. I specifically know three women that went through a very tough time with the whole "women in leadership" battle. One came to a congregation as one "called into ministry." The pastor was very excited to hire her (she had the experience and the passion for God like no one else), and gave her the title of "Children's Pastor." ONE elder made such a big stink of her "title" that he caused a church split over it. I sat in that meeting almost on the verge of tears because this elder was ripping her apart simply because she was a woman and she was given the title of "pastor." Nothing polite came out of his mouth, and it felt like an emotional beating.

I'm praying the church (overall) really takes a hard look at this matter. So many women are still healing from such behavior lashed out at them, and I feel their pain. You're in my prayers, too. Blessings to you, sister!

[carolb123]

Hi Linda

Glad you had what sounds like a favorable decision at the meeting! :)

I totally hear where you are coming from, and also agree with what you wrote. I also agree that Jesus was and is for women. He treated women with love, gentleness and respect and made the men equally responsible. Still so many men don't see that... I suppose we all have blind areas in our lives.... i could go on, but just want to say i do agree w/ what you wrote. I've had this discussion with others before who have even said the opposite about Jesus. He has done more to liberate women than anyone on earth! Glory to God!

God knows your heart and your desires. Somehow His timing is always right...while we may be chomping at the bit....or giving up in frustration. I've been in both those places and all in between.... even now.

Praying for you now and hope to hear back on the progress again!

blessings!.... :)
carolyn