Concise Lyrics

[davidbaroni]

Hey there worship songwriters!

Here are some thoughts about the importance of being concise with our worship song lyrics. Brevity usually is best. Fewer well-chosen words are easier for the congregation to learn and retain. Less really is more, most of the time.

My wife used to laugh (good-naturedly, of course) at how wordy my songs used to be. In my passion to communicate, I wanted to include from Genesis to Revelation in almost every song.

I co-wrote a song with producer/musician extraordinaire Tom Hemby, and in the process of writing the song, I had this lyric idea written on the chalkboard we were using:

"Once I was a desperate frightened fugitive
I was running away from the light
Hurting and hopeless and wounded by my sin
I was stumbling through the cold dark night
It was such a tragedy
I could see no hope for me"

(OK I added some words to emphasize how wordy, but the above is pretty close to what I had)

Tom got the eraser out. OH NO!!! NOT THE ERASER- THESE ARE DIVINELY INSPIRED LYRICS- LOOK WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO MY SONG, MA!

Below is what we ended up with after we eliminated the unnecessary words- the redundancies, saying the same thing in more ways than one- like I just did in this sentence!

Desperate fugitive
Running from the Light
Wounded by sin
Stumbling through the night
Tragedy (my favorite line)
No hope for me

See the difference!

One of my favorite songs that I have co-written (with Bo Cooper) is a song called "Fill This Place With Praise"

Here are the words:

Fill this place
With the praise
Of the God
Of all grace
Lift Him High
Glorify the Ancient of Days

Oh ye saints
Lift your voice
Lift your heads and rejoice
God is here
Fill this Place with praise!

Godrest and Godspeed,
David Baroni
www.davidbaroni.com

[AD(J)]

Good thoughts.

This is one of my biggest filters in choosing songs (and writing songs) for worship: The congregational learning curve.

But also, keeping the lyrics short does not necessarily mean the song has to be so short or boring or overly simple, musically. Sometimes writers feel they have to 'dumb it down' if they are trying to write a simple song. You can have lush chords and thick harmonies, even in the simplest of songs.

A perfect example is King Of Love, by Parachute Band. It's running time is 6:04, but it's got one verse, one chorus and an easy melody.

We do this song acoustic and it works so well, even when stripped down to almost nothing.

Here I stand be-fore You, Lord
I bare my heart this gift for you
Your grace has caused my soul to cry
Tears that long for thee

King of love I come to you
And worship at your feet
King of love here on my knees
I give myself to thee
I give myself to thee

[AD(J)]

I suppose since this is a thread for song writers, I should be posting my own lyrics instead of those from another band, huh?

Here's a song I've been looking forward to introducing to the band.

At first glance, it looks wordy, I know. The great thing about it is the chorus is super simple, and the verses have several repeated phrases and similar lyrics, verse to verse. I underlined the repetitious parts, which become those anchors that you remember verse to verse. Hopefully, that will make a song like this easy to learn and recall the next time people see it.



But hey, what do you think? It would be sung exactly in the order it is posted, V1, V2, C, B, V3. Then end with the C.


Let Your Will Be Done

(v1)
Lord, I sing a song of peace
Lord I bring you all my needs
My everything I give to you
Not to pay the price, I cannot afford
But to give you back the life you gave me, Lord

(v2)
Lord I sing heal my heart
Lord I see how great you are
My everything I give to you
This is all I want, to lay it on the line
That you would be the center of my life


(c)
Oh, let your will be done
Lead me in your way
Lord, not my will be done
This is what I pray


(b)
I’m waiting on you, trusting in you
This is the prayer, I offer to you (x2)

(v3)
Lord we sing heal our land
Lord we need to see your hand
Everything we give to you
Patiently we wait, mercy is our plea
We will seek your face here on our knees

[russhutto]

I would also suggest that using BALANCE could be a good method as well...

If you find yourself with a bit of a wordy verse, make sure the chorus is not so wordy or vice versa.

Not that this is the only method but in my writing, I've found it useful.

Example...an easy (guitar driven) version of Psalm 25. (Note the wordy verses and the simple choruses)...

(V)
To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul
In You I trust, O my God
To You, O Lord, I lift up my soul
In You I trust, O my God

(PC)
Show me Your ways, O Lord
Teach me Your paths,O God
Guide me in truth, My King
For You are my God
You are my God

(C)
My hope is in You
My hope is in You
My hope is in You
O my God

(B)
My eyes are on you (repeated ad nauseum, haha)

Not that this is even a good song, but because it's scripture based, has some repetition, and simplifies at the chorus, people have loved it, even when I got sick of singing it.

[Danny White]

Hey David !

Very cool insight !
Thanks !

Danny"WorshipCat"White Ps 45:1

[alhilgendorf]

I find that if I write the lyric and music together it forces the lyric to be more "singable". My three criteria for a worship song, or any song for that matter, is that it's meaningful, memorable, and singable (I blog about it on my website). It's been a very long time now since I've written just a lyric without the music. Even if you're just a lyric writer I think it would help to at least try to come up with something - it can always be changed later. Good thread, though. I remember we used to joke about a certain Christian artist (not David Baroni :) ) who songs were so wordy it was overly too obviously redundant all over again :rolleyes:

[worshiptrench]

copied from a previous wt post that fits this discussion

The tune emerges and now I need some lyrics. Which way to go on this one, the simplicity of Israel Houghton or the complexity of Stuart Townend? If the lyric is too complex can it be sung? Yet I hate dumbed down worship. What to do? I know, do the anti-hit thing and write the verses very simple and the leave the chorus as complex as the mind dump that it emerged from…the unfinished result.

What I Could Never Do

Running, I was always running
Running (from the) (finish)

Reaching, you were always reaching (or chasing, You were reaching ……..)
Reaching…..(finish)

Chorus:
For while I sinned, Your love did reach
into my/this heart, into this breach
that broke the very heart of God
who gave His Son and spared the rod
that I deserved upon my back
O for my sin and for my lack
of righteouness in my own strength
Your love has done what I could never do

Singing, now I’m always singing
Singing of the the love of God that saved a wretch like me

Falling, now I’m always falling
falling deep into the arms that stretched upon the Tree


I DID have a tune already in the head.

Anyone want co-writer credit and piece of the CCLI royalties? Hahaha. Bring it. I’ll even email you a scratch acoustic and melody track. I wonder if the Church of the future will look at some of the songs we sing today and go, “Wow, what made them sing that?” while we fail to engage the weight of songs like How Deep the Father’s Love for Us. Worship does have a didactic element and our theologians/philosophers today for the average Joe tend to be shiny silver disks (for good or bad). And lest you yourself be challenged to dumb down the lyrics of your compositions in an attempt to make every song an easy sing, let us not forget R.E.M. who made hits by making “anti-hits.”

[russhutto]

I'll take that challenge.

Majored in theory and comp so I might have a tune to offer...mayber not. Haha.

[matreames]

Concise Lyrics are good so long as they fully get the message across...
however sometimes, you do not even need fully structured lyrics to get things going...

I saw a beautiful song arise spontaneusly because of 2 lines written on a piece of paper..

"You owe me nothing, I deserve Hell"
"You owe me nothing, but have given me mercy"

This simple phrase sparked 20 minutes of passionate spontaneus intercession and worship. It was one of the most amazing times of my life.

[Jordy3738]

I have often thought about the lyrics to Chris Tomlins song, How Great Is Our God. Thanks for the tip.