New Song 'Christ is Risen', would love some feedback.

[bbrunskill]

Hi all. I've been writing this for a few weeks and finally got a free day to demo it. It's supposed to be a modern hymn style of thing. Don't take the demo too seriously as it's a bit rough.

Track:
SoundClick artist: ben brunskill - page with MP3 music downloads (http://soundclick.com/share?songid=9226740)

Lyrics:

v1
The promise is fulfilled
Redemption's work is done
Justice and Mercy reconciled
For God has raised his son

v2
The curse of death is broken
There's life for all who come
No avarice can hold me back
For God has raised his son

chorus
Hallelujah
Christ is Risen
Hallelujah
To the King of all
Hallelujah
Christ is Risen
And forever lives in me

v3
You inspire faith
In Your hope I stand
By your love I'm sanctified
For God has raised his Son

Thanks in advance.

ben

[eddymann]

Hey Ben,

Nice offering. I could see this being sung at my church. There are a few phrasing issues for me (in the second verse and the chorus) but there's something in there that moves me.

[ssutter]

I really like it! I'd love to hear it with more full instrumentation - i kinda hear some echos in there somehow too... good work.

[bbrunskill]

Hey Ben,

Nice offering. I could see this being sung at my church. There are a few phrasing issues for me (in the second verse and the chorus) but there's something in there that moves me.

I'm still struggling a little with phrasing on this one. I tried making it 6/8, to give the phrases some space but that sounded tacky. That demo was one take, so I think I'll redo the vocal and try and sort out the awkward moments.

Thanks for your feedback!

[Wannabe a Worshiper]

When I read the words, I knew this would be a good song.
I felt like the first 2 verses were a bit draggy; I think they should move a little faster. The intentional slowing of the final verse wis very effective.

Keep working on it, and let us know what you come up with.
Tom