First Post: Looking for Opinions on Lyrics.

[MonsterBass101]

Hey Everybody! I have two partially finished songs here that I wanted to get y'all's opinions on! Thanks in advance!


Not this Time Around
Verse 1:

I had a dream the other night,
You were gone from my life.
I took you away, let you go away.
Then things got so much worse,
The pain kept closing in.
And I let you go, let you go away.
But not this time around!

Chorus:

I won’t let you go,
Not this time around.
Last time you left,
I fell face first on the ground.
I won’t let you down,
Not like before.
This time I’m serious,
You’re not walking out the door.

Clean

Verse 1:

I followed your lead to fill my life,
With what you said would make me high.
But now the gaping hole still pleas,
For the empty pleasures that my body so needs.

Pre Chorus:

You led me,
Deep in this hole.
And I don’t want,
Your help back out!

Chorus:

Oh god I plea for you to fill this wound,
Leaving my body bare and clear of the suffering.
With you I pull off these old scars,
And out of your blood I walk clean.




Thanks Everybody!

[pian0dude]

Keep in mind my feedback is based on being a songwriter who writes songs mostly for congregational singing. Any feedback is merely my opinion and nothing more. Also, without knowing back stories or hearing recordings, it is also hard to put them completely in context.

First Tune:
I struggle with the concept of me "letting" God do anything, like go away from me. I don't 'let' him. He IS, WAS and always WILL BE. He doesn't need permission for anything. Because of free will that He has given me, I can choose to push Him away or I can choose to turn away from Him. But the scriptures promise me that He will never leave or forsake me, therefore I can't imagine a scenario where I would actively be "letting" Him leave me.

A different meaning on this lyric, possibly may be that you are saying just what I explained... because of something I did or do, I am pushing Him away.

On a different note, I am kind of in love with what I perceive to be the repentant nature/attitude of the lyrics. It seems to speak of someone who has gone through many struggles, pushing God away as a result and the face down repentance that occured as a result.

Second Tune:
I'm struggling with the second lyric "make me high". I'm not sure that this lyric lends well in a "Christian" tune. Yes God and following Him and His will brings great joy, happiness, etc.. this is probably just a difference in lyrical styling.

"You led me,
Deep in this hole.
And I don’t want,
Your help back out!"

In this lyric are you speaking to Satan or to what led you into the hole? If so, i can understand not wanting his/it's help back out. If this lyric is directed towards God, I"m not understanding the intent behind it.

I totally love the lyrics to the chorus. Such a great pictorial of what His sacrifice on the cross for us has done for us.

Very deep lyrics dude... I'd be interested in hearing music to these? Do you have recordings? Post them to Welcome - SoundCloud (http://www.soundcloud.com) if you do.