Rhythm: Help Me Sharpen This Idea

[russhutto]

http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=d54752h_21nrpm9vcg

We're doing a series on parenting called Go For Gold. It's an obvious Olympic nod. Anyways the first message in this series is called the Rhythms of A Champion and it's really about aligning our lives with God's rhythms. So instead of grabbing an already written song for the challenge time at the end I had this concept running through my head this week. I'll put it to music this afternoon and have it ready to roll out Sunday morning.

But I just wanted some extra eyes on the lyrics and get your thoughts. Help me make this one great.

Rhythm

(Verse)
Here I am again
Finding myself so far from You
Help me turn to Your love
and live in the cadence of Your truth

(Prechorus)
My way leaves me empty
Your way satisfies
My life leaves me longing
Your life satisfies

(Chorus)
Let my heart beat what your heart beats
Let my footsteps go where You lead me
Teach me the rhythm of Your ways
Let my life shine the light of Your story
Let my hands find work for Your glory
Teach me the rhythm of Your ways

[mikeymo1741]

Without hearing the music it's tough to say, but it looks good. I might question the use of the word "cadence" if there are young people in your target audience - they may not get that. Perhaps "timing." instead?


If you need another song for ministry time or to enforce the theme, then I'd suggest you give a listen to "Slow Down" off the new Third Day record. It seems to be right where your going.

M

[stephen_can_man]

Your Love Is Extravagant Lyrics
How about using Casting Crowns cover of "Your Love Is Extravagant"?

Lyrics:

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place
Cause Your love is extravagant

Chorus:
Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place
Your love is extravagant

Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Spread wide in the arms of Christ there's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

[russhutto]

@mikey, thanks for your thoughts.

@stephen, great song, but not really what I'm looking for.

[chrisjane]

I would respectfully disagree with Mikey on the cadence line. I think it's great, and right on point. I really think it's going to be a great worship song Rus.(or is it Russ?)

[russhutto]

Russ

Thanks for the comment Chris.

[worshiptrench]

How about a bridge along the olympic theme

You'll cast down rulers who oppress Tibetans
Judge them so harsh that their pants become wet-ones

(okay maybe not)

[russhutto]

:D:D:D:D

I literally LOL'd on that one!

HAHAHAHAHA!

Thanks man, I need that!

[BillyChia]

I agree with Chris - the cadence line is compelling for me.

Jordan - hilarious!

I'm not sure about the line:

"Let my heart beat what your heart beats"

like I get that the notion is "let my heart beat for what your heart beats for"

but since "heartbeat" is noun it sounds a little weird.

Like

"Let my heartbeart. What? Your heartbeats!"

I'm thinking - let my heartbeat do what? And what do your heartbeats do?

Maybe something else might make more sense like

"let my heart beat in time with yours."

This could all possibly be remedied by how you sing it also.

[russhutto]

I get what you're saying Billy.

I guess what I'm saying (thinking) is not heartbeat as a noun, but beat as a verb..."let my heart beat, blah blah blah"

Kind of like let my heart beat WITH what your heart beats.

I think in a different phrasing I can easily say, "My heart beats for my wife." and people would totally understand that.

Also, with beat as a verb I can beat (tap) a rhythm that you beat (tap).

Kind of what I'm saying here:

Let my heart's rhythm be what your heart's rhythm is.

Let my heart beat be what your heart beat is.

Boiled down to...

Let my heart beat what your heart beats.

Hmmm. Anybody else have issues with that line?

[russhutto]

Rhythm

(Verse)
Here I am again
Finding myself so far from You
Help me turn to Your love
and live in the cadence of Your truth

(Prechorus)
My way leaves me empty
Your way satisfies
My life leaves me longing
Your life satisfies

(Chorus)
Let my heart beat what Your heart beats
Let my footsteps go where You lead me
Teach me the rhythm of Your ways
Let my life shine the light of Your story
Let my hands find work for Your glory
Teach me the rhythm of Your ways

(alternate Chorus)
Let my heartbeat be like Your heartbeat
Let my footsteps go where You lead me
Lord, Teach me the rhythm of Your ways
Let my life be a part of Your story
Let my actions shine the light of Your glory
Lord, Teach me the rhythm of Your ways

(option 2 first line)
Let my heart beat with Your heartbeat


Here's a few more alternates to the first line of the chorus. And the whole alternate chorus is a little tweaked, basically the same just reworded a bit.

[fmckinnon]

Russ,

Looks good - I wanna hear some melodic lines - what does this sound like?

I gotta confess, before reading anything else, I struggled with the heart beats line as well ... I thought to myself "a heart does beat, but does it beat something"? ... I was the same way with the footsteps line ... though it's a bit easier.

My first thought was that footsteps typically show where someone has BEEN, not where they are going. So, the analogy of "footsteps being led" was hard for me to grasp.

It would be easier for me to get it you were saying "let my footsteps SHOW where you LED me".

I applaud your bravery - putting your creative stuff out for the world to critique is tough .. good for ya.

Better than me, I've not been writing in quite some time ... I need to change that.

Fred

[russhutto]

hey Fred, thanks for your input. Much appreciated, I'm still hacking away at this one, and will probably still go with what I've got for tomorrow, but will continue to work this.

I've got a video up of the melodic lines going on over at quiettime.tv (http://houseofjoy.info/russ/2008/08/saturday-songwriting1/) so you can kinda hear what I'm carving out at the moment.

As far as the footsteps I'm gonna have to respectfully disagree with your comments...though you have made me think more deeply about that line. Here's my thinking:

FootPRINTS show where you've been. (a mark left by the shod or unshod foot, as in earth or sand. -dictionary.com)

FootSTEPS are primarily the action or even the sound of someone walking, and can be used in the place of footprints, but that definition is not the primary one. (the setting down of a foot, or the sound so produced; footfall; tread. - dictionary.com)

So in it's primary usage, footstep is actually used correctly in that line:

Let my footsteps (the setting down of [feet]) go where you lead me.

Footprints would be:

Let my footprints (a mark left by [my feet]) show where You lead me.

That make any sense?

I've decided with the help of my wife to keep the line:

Let my heart beat what Your heart beats

She totally got it, and I feel like a heart can beat what another heart beats. For example: my heart beats love for my wife. Her heart beats love for me. Both of our hearts beat love for Mexican food.

God's heart beats love for us. The very beat of His heart is love.

Let my heart beat what His heart beats. Let my heart beat love. Let the very beat of my heart be love.

BUT I WILL ACKNOWLEDGE that it is indeed a word picture, it's not literal. And for that you have to go with "heart" as in the essence of us, the spirit, the core, not the literal organ that "beats"...

I don't know. I totally understand where Billy and Fred are coming from with the potential for, "Uh, what?" at that line, but I also think if you just sing it like I'm singing it, it works. So says my wife!

VIDEO LINK (http://houseofjoy.info/russ/2008/08/saturday-songwriting1/)

(Verse)
Here I am again
Finding myself so far from You
Help me turn to Your love
and live in the cadence of Your truth

(Prechorus)
My way leaves me empty
But Your way satisfies
My life leaves me longing
But Your life satisfies

(Chorus)
Let my hea-rt beat what Your hea-rt beats
Let my footsteps go where You lead me
Lord, Teach me the rhythm of Your ways
Let my love be a part of Your story
Let my life shine the light of Your glory
Lord, Teach me the rhythm of Your ways

[BillyChia]

Yeah Russ - nice job! Really solid song.

I love the chords and it's got a catchy melody.

The line I can't get out of my head:

"let my heat beat what your heart beats
Let my footsteps go where You lead me"

[chipshot0701]

Heartfelt and warm and it shows GOd is working in you.

nice job.
I'm wondering about the line. "your life satisfies...."

I get your meaning but wonder if YOur love satisfies or your grace satisfies makes more sense?

peace n love

mc

[russhutto]

Thanks for the input, chipshot.

Both of those suggestions are indeed probably stronger lines on their own...but in the pattern I've established, kind of a parallel (opposite) thing...

My way, Your way
My life, Your life

Make sense?

[mikeymo1741]

I can't wait to hear this thing to music!

[russhutto]

Been a while since I posted on this. We did it full-band rocked out with a pretty tightened arrangement this past sunday.

The only recording I have is pretty bad, and it's not polisehd since it's snagged during a rehearsal. I still want to do a little more with the vocals (harmony and such)...but all in all it's a pretty intense arrangement.

Also, pardon the crazy rocking drums too. I'm having to always reign in our drummer, he comes from the double pedal, play a fill every 2 measures heavy rock tradition so I'm coaching him in more of a straightforward rock/worship style and he's coming along, but a lot of times (like on this song) when I give him freedom he tends to overplay.

which sounds like a good thread topic.

Check out the recording on my latest Sunday Setlist post (http://houseofjoy.info/russ/2008/10/sunday-setlist-102508/#comment-1221) over on my blog.

[Smitty]

Russ:

I resonate with the whole cadence thing, but I have to agree about the heartbeat question.

Smitty

[russhutto]

Heh, it looks like the lot of you songwriters and musicians have a problem with the "heartbeat" phrasing, while everyone else that we're playing it for totally gets it right away.

Maybe it's a case of overanalyzing it?

Either way I APPRECIATE the input SOO much!!