tobywan
07-20-2008, 06:47 PM
Over the past month or so I have been in counselling with my pastors because I had fallen from grace. I confessed to them. I also confessed to the body about falling from grace. I said that I had handed in my keys to the church and that I had stepped down from everything.
In some ways it has been refreshing that I have not had to worry about running sound or having to teach or worrying about playing the keys. Although I must admit being a musician and not being able to play has been hard sometimes.
Mom came to me ( I call my pastors mom and dad becuase theyre my spiritual parents .. and for other reasons ill explain in another thread...) and said that she has put me back on the sound schedule for September. I never expected to be able to begin serving again so soon. The funny thing is, Im not sure that I really want to go back into the sound department. I just dont want to feel like im getting overworked ( ive done sound, played at altar calls, played for a leader, and taught sunday school ) and I want to do it out of service and not out of obilgation. Is there anyone out there that has felt like this? Anyway..... I like to do sound and I think that I do a good job. I can concentrate on it to the point that I can loose focus on making sure that my son and my daughter are behaving. My son is very...."enthusiastic". He cant seem to sit still very long unless I am with him and I hold him on my lap. There have been times that I have been in the sound booth concentrating on something only to look up and notice that my son is outside and I have had to leave to go retrieve him. I want to be able to concentrate on the sound as I am scheduled and this can take my focus off the sound as well. Im really feeling torn between sitting with my family and doing sound. Now what has been happening recently is that sound levels are set in rehersal and the tech can leave. I dont really ascribe to that way of thinking becuase ive heard/seen the sound dynamics of the room change when more and more people come in the sanctuary. And besides, when I get back to playing, what happens if I need my monitor volume changed?
I dunno. I feel like a whirlwind sometimes. The only thing I do know for sure, is that all I want to do at this point is I want to do music.
I guess that you can tell that there is alot of certainty at this moment and I really dont know what I should be doing. So, if you have any words of advice, please post them either private or public. And please, keep me in prayer.
In some ways it has been refreshing that I have not had to worry about running sound or having to teach or worrying about playing the keys. Although I must admit being a musician and not being able to play has been hard sometimes.
Mom came to me ( I call my pastors mom and dad becuase theyre my spiritual parents .. and for other reasons ill explain in another thread...) and said that she has put me back on the sound schedule for September. I never expected to be able to begin serving again so soon. The funny thing is, Im not sure that I really want to go back into the sound department. I just dont want to feel like im getting overworked ( ive done sound, played at altar calls, played for a leader, and taught sunday school ) and I want to do it out of service and not out of obilgation. Is there anyone out there that has felt like this? Anyway..... I like to do sound and I think that I do a good job. I can concentrate on it to the point that I can loose focus on making sure that my son and my daughter are behaving. My son is very...."enthusiastic". He cant seem to sit still very long unless I am with him and I hold him on my lap. There have been times that I have been in the sound booth concentrating on something only to look up and notice that my son is outside and I have had to leave to go retrieve him. I want to be able to concentrate on the sound as I am scheduled and this can take my focus off the sound as well. Im really feeling torn between sitting with my family and doing sound. Now what has been happening recently is that sound levels are set in rehersal and the tech can leave. I dont really ascribe to that way of thinking becuase ive heard/seen the sound dynamics of the room change when more and more people come in the sanctuary. And besides, when I get back to playing, what happens if I need my monitor volume changed?
I dunno. I feel like a whirlwind sometimes. The only thing I do know for sure, is that all I want to do at this point is I want to do music.
I guess that you can tell that there is alot of certainty at this moment and I really dont know what I should be doing. So, if you have any words of advice, please post them either private or public. And please, keep me in prayer.