Maybe you haven't played with them enough? I use an X3 Live, and I get some pretty incredible tones out of it, and the responsiveness has matched any amp I've played. They definitely aren't plug and play though - it took me a lot of hours tweaking it to get the sound I wanted. It was worth it though, as my setup is incredibly simple and easy to carry around, and I don't feel like I lack anything in tone.
Regarding feedback, I've heard of a few ways people get it with in-ears. I know Lincoln Brewster keeps an amp on stage using the secondary output of his Axe-Fx. He EQs all but the bass out to give some bassy feel to what he's hearing on stage, and to allow him to use feedback. I've also heard that Brad Avery (former guitar player for Third Day) did the same thing using monitors on the occasions that he didn't have his amps on stage.
If that is still too much stage volume, then I also heard Lincoln Brewster say that you can put a volume pedal in front of the amp/monitor, and only turn it up when you want the feedback.
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